on friendship, and dreaming

A little over a year ago, I took a chance and talked about a subject that I had previously only discussed with my closest female relatives (mama, sister, aunt). And you all sent me such love and joy that I've never forgotten it. In fact, occasionally I scroll back to that post and read your comments when I'm needing a little pick-me-up. One of the people that took a chance on leaving a comment was Melody. Thus began a friendship that has come to mean the world to me.

All day long, Mel and I keep a running conversation via gchat. We talk about our histories, we share recipes and ideas and websites, we talk about relationships, music, art, travel. We dream of when we can finally meet in person. Her friendship and support have been a life saver to me, especially during a time when I'd just pretty much accepted that it was okay not to have close friends to call on and be absolutely honest with. I mean, I have my sister for that.

Through Mel's support, I'm getting there. I'm putting myself out there. I'm nurturing new friendships. I'm being myself. And she has taught me that it's completely okay to be just that. If there are days when all I want to do is bitch and vent and complain and cry, I know she'll still be my friend. Even if some times I feel like I'm not bringing anything positive or uplifting to the table, she assures me that I am. Yesterday, she shared something with me that, although seemingly small, managed to contain immense meaning and comfort for me: "life is to be felt, not figured out."

Every day I am thankful for so many things: a loving and supportive and motivated husband, a roof over my head, my health and hobbies, a family I love oh so very much, a steady paycheck, pinot grigio: and now I count Melody on that list. It has been a very rare occurrence in my life to have anyone other than Dirk or my family "get" me. To love me because I AM a sensitive soul, who feels, probably too often. That feeling and emoting and sharing these emotions is okay, because everything I feel is personally justifiable. Feeling is not a fault. Sharing is not a fault.

Having people other than husband or family "get" me and love me anyway is always a bit of a revelation. It's like a little secret I keep inside, this friendship, and when something stressful or painful is thrown my way, I pull it out, just enough to receive comfort from it, but not enough to share. Today, for some odd reason, I just felt like sharing. I hope you don't mind.