
I've found that if for nothing else, having an exercise routine has helped organize my off-time. Or, at least, it gives me something to say when anyone asks "What did you do today?" Sipsey and I have been spending Wednesday mornings on the Five Mile Trail at Ruffner Mountain Nature Preserve, which is just a few minutes from my house. A lot of my creative inspiration is sought in nature, and it also gives me a chance to reflect on other areas of my life that need undivided attention.
This morning I was thinking a lot about my identity. No, I'm not going through an existential crisis, but I do think a lot about HOW I have perceived my identity up to this point.
1.) Through my relationships with others: being a daughter/friend/girlfriend/colleague/granddaughter, etc., and
2.) Through my career: being a traveling photojournalist. I've always had a hard time hearing people refer to me as a "Photographer." I feel much the same as Ellen Cherry Charles from Tom Robbins's book "Skinny Legs and All": "All artists feel like impostors, except maybe the ones who really are." Plus, there's the fear that if my hobby becomes my career, will it lose all it's fun? No, I don't like calling myself a photographer. But anyway, I digress.
Now that I have no definable career, and for most of the day I'm separated from my relationships with others, I have been finding new ways to define myself. I'm pondering inventive ways to introduce myself: "Howdy! My name is Libba. I am a drinker of wine, a lover of nature, an advocate for peace, a steward of the environment, a devourer of edamame, a watcher of trashy television shows, a reader of books, an admirer of art in all it's forms, and a taker of pictures." I think I'm onto something here, and that I may have stumbled upon my essential self, a better way of defining who I TRULY am, more so than being Dirk's Girlfriend, Aimee's Friend, Lee's Colleague, Jack's Granddaughter, the Brocks Babysitter, etc., etc., etc.
So now I'm interested to know how all my blogger buds would define themselves if they put everything else on pause (jobs, husbands, kids.) Every time I'm feeling as if I have no purpose, I am going to read this entry. It's okay not to wake up and have a purpose every day. It's alright to just be. To spend all afternoon reading a book or playing Guitar Hero until I can't see straight. To eat an entire bowl of edamame by myself whilst watching reruns of "Gossip Girl." What I enjoy and how I spend my free time IS who I am, more so than what I do to pay the bills.