Dia de los Muertos

Well, I missed yet another Halloween because of job stuff. Last year I was in Oklahoma, this year it was Tennessee. I have YET to have a single trick or treater at the home I own. So depressing. But luckily for me, I got back on Sunday, which was the annual Dia de los Muertos celebration at Bare Hands Gallery here in Birmingham. It's basically like a celebration of dead people. Family members and friends create altars for their loved ones, a band plays fun music, ladies dance around with fire, and people like me go camera crazy and drink lots of beer. So much better than sitting around waiting for trick or treaters, right?

Can you believe this?!?!?!

Gaw, Maureen! I can't believe you totally screwed the country over like that!

(insert drum roll here)

After chasing the UPS man all over Irondale yesterday morning, he relinquished my camera (I was heading out of town at 2 and he usually doesn't deliver to our street until after 3.) So I know you were all on the edges of your seat, waiting for the first D200 self-portrait. Your waiting is officially over. All four of me love this new camera!

I won't have too much time this week to play with it, but am looking forward to testing the waters while in Tennessee with this beast. My dainty little D50 looks like a character on the new 90210 compared to this dude. He's most definitely a Brody Jenner from the Hills.

Awww, sweet relief!

No more wandering, wondering, feeling lost. I have some direction, and it feels like the pounds I've packed on since I lost my job have magically disappeared. I couldn't have predicted that something so great would come along, either!

For the foreseeable future, I will continue traveling (at least) once a month. Sometimes to take photographs. Sometimes to write. Sometimes to shuttle around journalists. But all the time earning enough to pay the bills. And leaving free time in Birmingham to pursue other opportunities: freelancing for area publications, taking portraits, walking the dog, reading, enjoying life without full-time corporate employment. Score one for the team!

Starving Artists -1
The Man - 0

not all those who wander are lost

But I am! I've been feeling extremely lost lately, and for the first time since I lost my job over a month ago, I've been really sad about it. If I'm not the photographer at Executive Traveler magazine, who am I?!

What do I want to do next? Where do I want to be? I haven't had a break from school or work since I turned 16 (and even before that I spent my summers babysitting,) and I realize now at the age of 28 that maybe I don't know how to make myself happy if my identity is not wrapped up in my profession. Until today I was perfectly happy not knowing what the future holds for me. I have enough to pay the bills for a few months, so why not take the time to really focus on figuring some things out? Only that in a world where there are seemingly SO many options available to me, how can I not be a little intimidated? I mean, what if I follow the wrong path?!

My problem is that I inherited a Type A personality from an amazing man named Jack Blackwell. I'm a writer-of-lists, a planner (I actually plan to NOT wear my watch on weekends.) So this whole not-knowing thing was fun for awhile (one month to be exact), and I felt really adventurous and cool (living on the edge kind of cool), but that wore off and now I'm frightened.

I seek advice from family members, friends, colleagues, and Dirk, and I hear all these conflicting arguments: "just go get a job somewhere," "you deserve some time off," "maybe you're just not a full-time-job kind of girl," "if I was you, I'd go back to school," "this is your opportunity to branch out in entirely new directions and reinvent yourself....do what makes you happy, stay flexible, and don't regret a thing", "something will come up, it always does."

And while all of this makes sense, today it all just seemed to make things worse and I lost it. I realized that I don't need advice (I really just need a hug from my Daddy), because all I want is the answer and the answer is not going to be made clear by anyone but me. I'm the only one who can figure this out. Maybe that's why I'm so scared. Maybe the ultimate lesson in all of this is to trust myself more. Trust my talent, my personality, my intelligence, and my motivation and ability. Accept support where it's offered, listen to advice with an open ear, but don't assume that any of it is the answer I need to help me move forward.

I need a beach somewhere to walk on. I need a cool mountain lake to swim in. I need some Iowa snow and wind to make me feel really alive. I need a mountain view. I need a really good book. I need a glass of wine and a gorgeous sunset. I just need enough money to fund an around-the-world photography adventure. Yup. That's it. Send lottery tickets.

an eye's an eye's an eye

Since I first got contacts in eighth grade, I've been fibbing about my eye color. Primarily because I hated the question "Are those your real eyes?!" Because seriously, how many people do you know who have FAKE eyes?! It was easier to say, "Yes," and change the subject.

But as I've grown older, I've dreaded that question and cringe whenever someone accosts me with it. So now, after more than ten years, I've reclaimed my original eye color. The switch occurred on my 28th birthday, and it wasn't the only major development of the day. I also received my first gray hair. Which I showed to everyone I saw that day and then yanked out. And for those of you who say that it was probably just a blonde highlight: it was course. And most definitely GRAY!

Back to my eyes. Yes. Well, I'm quite proud of myself, and taken with my "new" eyes. I think they're rather pretty, actually. And they're not that different from the tinted color I was sporting. So here's an eye photo, to show the world (or at least the blogosphere) my REAL eyes!

camera update...

I know you were all on the edges of your seats, waiting to see which camera I settled on. Well, yesterday I ordered a new-to-me Nikon D200. It's not the newest model, but it's in my budget and it's a significant upgrade from the D50. I am pumped and can't wait to start clicking away (although I'll have to wait one to six business days for UPS to deliver my new best friend to my door.)

It's amazing how a new toy can spark your creativity. I am itching to take photos. Just itching. I see photo opportunities everywhere I turn. I fully realize that it's a photographic eye that produces amazing images, but a kick ass camera can't hurt, right?